This week in thoughts: content creation with a neurodiverse brain and trying to be organised when too much structure gives you the ick.

Lat week I received an idea for my substack from one of my followers over on Instagram. The message said (sic):

“I’d love to hear about how you document all of your ideas before you publish them on social media. Are you a single list maker…Do you scribble notes on random pieces of paper as you brainstorm?…Do you type them into some sort of app? Do you just overload your brain and not write anything down??? I’m curious because you produce so much great content…”

It’s a great question. Because. I don’t actually know or rather, I don’t have a succinct reply and to answer it properly, we need to go back in time slightly so that what I do say, makes sense.

Towards the end of last year I had a massive wobble which I can only describe as a period of intense overwhelm. I was no stranger to feeling like this, and had noticed patterns of ‘burn out’ especially after a period of high action (which seemed to be a constant theme) throughout my life. Coupled with other symptoms including a chronic lack of focus/ poor concentration, emotional dysregulation, eating and sleeping issues and a tonne of other, much less generalised and less obvious (niche) behaviour patterns, I sought (after extensive research and conversations with other ND people) out an ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) assessment from my local GP.

I should add that I am still on a waiting list for an official diagnosis, but like many neurodivergent women, am currently self-diagnosed as a neurodivergent (ND) person. Women and girls are often overlooked when it comes to ADHD, with under half the rate their male counterparts are diagnosed. Sadly, due to our ability to mask our ND traits so well (hello societal expectations) we are often ‘missed’ or it is brushed off as depression, anxiety or peri/menopause (although the later can acerbate symptoms.) When we think of person with ADHD we typically visualise a little boy, struggling in school and generally being very ‘hyper’. We don’t consider the quiet girl, or the introspective women who finds social cues tricky, is intelligent, but who struggles with lateral thinking and is a perfectionist but resists ‘order’.

I’m also pretty confident that, although I cannot know for sure, I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD.) Once you begin the journey into neurodiversity it’s one that (for me) has naturally evolved. My struggles with food sensitivity and changes to routine for example, always felt like I was ‘weird’ or ‘difficult’ but exploring my neurodiverse brain and its complexities, has helped me to feel completely at home in my own skin. Everything just makes sense. Life is easier and also more joyful. I am able to catch myself skin picking for example and understand it as stim rather than a childish habit which I often felt ashamed of. See also debt, poor money management and feeling immature compared to my friends, family and colleagues.

Planning, organising and scheduling are not things that come easily to me as I am not consistent or dedicated enough. I lack the focus. However, I am able to work well within my own parameters. and follow my own rules essentially. Those that work for me and my ND brain. No, I probably am not like my peers, I don’t have a plan. I don’t keep spreadsheets or a bullet journal or neatly tick things off. I am a big thinker, a scribbler, and someone who writes ideas down in the middle of the night type of person only to find myself struggling to enact them the next day. If I plan too much, I switch off and yet without any structure, I am set a sail on a sea of anxiety and worry. I am a conundrum for sure.

So to answer the question, how do I plan my content, is an interesting one. I don’t typically enjoy planning. I am a do-er. I get a thought or idea and generally I *have* to act on it immediately, otherwise it feels as though it will fade and become forgotten. Either that; or, I’m in a kind of ‘stasis’ mode where I am unable to get anything done at all. These are the most egregious moments- where I feel I am stuck in treacle, wading into nothingness.

If I do find myself in the mood to plan or to make a to-do list for example, I often find that demand avoidance sets in, and means that I don’t want to do those things; even the ‘nice’ jobs I have set myself that I actually *like* doing. It is frustrating, and tiresome and used to make me feel like a colossal failure, so instead I work with my brain rather than against it.

With content creation, a schedule is definitely necessary. A niche or ‘content pillars’ by which you set your content strategy. But even the word strategy makes me feel a bit wobbly because it sounds so much like a directive. I have loose ideas of where I want to be and where I want my career to go but it is something I compartmentalise. I ebb and flow in terms of what I want to produce and what I can produce. I might have a million ideas in my head but then am physically unable to set them in motion. This is known as ‘executive disfunction’ and is common in both ADHD-ers and also autistic folk.

I have learned that the best way for me to set my working week is to have a very general/ loose idea of what I want to achieve during that period (e.g., Christmas crafts) and then pick up whatever I’m in the mood for on that particular day. A rigid schedule or spreadsheet of content wouldn’t work for me as my energy levels are very up and down (intense fatigue and neurodiversity go hand in hand) but also I procrastinate wildly. I love structure and thrive when I have it, BUT I also I hate the monotony of it and the feeling of being hemmed in. It is claustrophobic. Working for myself has definitely eliminated a lot of this though as I am now my own boss. I allow myself plenty of down time and am getting better at loving myself in my unproductive moments too.

I always write on Mondays which suits me well. I find Mondays tricky because my energy is usually fairly low after the weekend. Care giving and other responsibilities and socialising deplete my battery fairly quickly, and a slower start to the week definitely suits me best.

If I am full throttle and fixated, I can get things done very quickly. I can write this newsletter in a couple of hours for example (which then gives me major imposter syndrome and makes me feel guilty.) Because ND brains tend to find harder things ‘easier’ and easy things (paying bills/ washing up etc) more of a challenge, it often feels quite isolating. I can style a room in a nano second when I’m in hyper focus (a common trait of ADHD is hyper focus; a phenomenon whereby the brain becomes completely absorbed in a task, to a point where a person seems to ignore everything else) whereas some days, even replying to messages takes all day. There’s no real way to measure or track this unfortunately so I just accept that it is who I am and know that I am worthy despite my differences.

The social side of social media can often, also give me the ick (for want of a better phrase) and when I am feeling like I need more time away from my platforms (this peaks when I am hormonal) It is important that that I have some content batched created so that I can pull on it when my energy is spent. I often take pics, and film extra footage when I am shooting content so that I have at least some back ups.

My off days are far fewer than they used to be however and although I experience ‘low battery’ days now, I can can count the amount I have within any given month, on on one hand. So whilst I may not be typical in my processes, I am generally able to keep on top of my workload because, and this is key, I really enjoy it.

Ultimately, working for myself, to the beat of my own drum has gifted me the ability to access some measure of success, which 10 years ago I would never have thought possible. I never dreamed I would be doing creative things for a living and actually, being creative and living authentically in htis way has helped me to control some of my more unwelcome symptoms. The flexibility suits me well and the artistic nature of my work provided that much needed dopamine which ADHD brains lack.

So I hope I answered your question. At least a little bit…!

Nina x